Topic: Cinema
The Castro Theater is currently holding a tribute to composer Jerry Goldsmith and running many films that he scored. Today was a double feature of Twilight Zone: The Movie, and Star Trek: The Motion Picture. I only went to the latter.
Right off, something was wrong, I walked into the auditorium and heard Star Trek music playing...which would've been all fine and good had it been from any of the FIVE Trek films Jerry Goldsmith scored, but, instead, it was a clip of the horrid James Horner's theme from Star Trek II. C'mon, it's a JERRY GOLDSMITH tribute and you're playing frakking James And The Generic Score Horner?!
That ignominity out of the way, I pop out my cell phone, call Andy Probert and promise to cheer his name when the end credits roll. He jokingly reminds me to pay close attention to the mention of "Commodore Probert" in the opening scenes. I assure him I will pay rapt attention.
The film gets rolling and right away I'm worried. The opening overture is missing. The credits roll and I can tell it's not a good print. Plus, the projector setting isn't bright enough and the sound is kind murky. Oh well, I suffer the technical flaws.
Here comes the Enterprise. Now, I've heard this film described as starship porn, what with its lengthy loving shots of all the space hardware, and seeing it on a big screen again, I can see that. The ship is beautiful, and the camera lingers on it, loves it, caresses it.
I find myself wondering if the warp drive effect might be considered the money shot. I can't decide if this makes me some kind of high tech voyeur.
Anyway, 15 minutes into the film my heart sinks...there's a scene there that wasn't in the original theatrical release. The volume fluctuates and the picture quality drops even more. A few minutes later, another one of these. Oh God, it looks like the bastardized "Longer" version made for TV.
I consider walking out and asking for my money back...this isn't what I expected. But I decide to stick it out...there are production details in this film that can't be made out on TV that I want to see, and who knows if I'll ever get a chance again.
To add insult to injury, about 70 minutes in, the film jams and the current frame melts. While they're splicing it, I take the opportunity to point out to the guys in the lobby what print they appear to have. They say it was nearly impossible to find ANY print of this picture. I shake my head. This stupid movie made over $100 million in 1979 dollars...you'd think Paramount would have kept a few decent prints of it!
The movie's on again, and just as I'm bracing myself for the worst of the re-inserted cut scenes that I know is coming...suddenly, the film is not the Longer version. The spacewalk sequence is the original form. I scratch my head for a moment, then realize what must have happened...this print must be some compilation of reels from the Longer version and the Theatrical Version...a celluloid Frankenstein.
Then, as it's nearing the climax, I notice something...the audience is deadly silent during all the added stuff, but they laugh at the funny bits that were in the original cut. As I always suspected, nobody really cares about the extra crap that was wisely left on the cutting room floor in 1979.
Oh yeah, and 28 years later, McCoy still steals every scene he's in. He gets all the big laughs.
Then, it ends as the Enterprise goes to warp drive with a bang. The money shot of starship porn, indeed! I feel like I should be smoking a cigarette in the afterglow.
Instead, I cheer the name of Andy Probert, as promised.
